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Hi my name is Krystal and I suffer from anxiety and panic disorder. Doesn’t that roll off the tongue nicely. Many people wouldn’t know this but I have suffered from this exciting disorder for over 15 years. Yes, some days I may be smiling and laughing but I am actually dying inside trying my hardest to hold it To Fucking-Gether <- totally not a word
What does my everyday look like, well:
7:30 am – anxious 8:00 am – anxious 10:00 am – anxious 12:00 pm – anxious 1:00 pm – napping 3:00 pm – anxious 5:30 pm – anxious 7:00 pm – proud that I made it through the day without a panic attack 11:00 pm – bed time, anxious for the next day
Why have you not known this about me before, because I was heavily medicated for about 10 years. My anxiety and panic disorder got so bad that it crippled my every day life, ruined relationships and ruined jobs. It was just plan ruining my life. So I gave into that magic pill that blocks everything. I say block, because you are not actually dealing with anxiety itself or panic itself, you are just trying to shut it the fuck up so you can live your life.
Today I am proud to say, I AM NOT anxiety free or panic free. Ha!
Since being only semi medicated I thank anxiety because I feel like I am alive. While I was on medication I didn’t feel anything. I couldn’t cry and at times I couldn’t even cum. My feelings were completely muted. That is no way to live.
I am writing about this because so many people I know suffer the same as I do. I wish when these feelings first started to happen, I knew someone who was dealing with or has dealt with what I was going through. Instead I felt alone and defective.
I am also writing about it because I have spent half my life running away from it and being scared of it. Now I am facing this bitch head on. I am embracing it and saying, it is OK for me to feel this way. ( also therapy helped too)
End of story is, don’t become anxiety’s bitch. Grab a handful of baby powder and be prepared to slap that bitch back.
Disclaimers: – I am in no way your therapist or a Dr. so go find one. I also do not condone bitch slapping unless her name is anxiety. But if anxiety has a social and birth certificate, do not slap her!