Category Archives: Life love and me

MaliBoooooooooooo Ken

Yup your read that right.

I should have known that I had a Malibu’s Most Wanted on my hands when he started to recite UGK lyrics on our first text chat. But I just chucked it up to a person with a diverse playlist that thinks a great way to engage a black girl is to recite rap lyrics :/

I met Ken on Tinder, from what I heard is now hook up at. But less be real, I was looking for just a hook up because……………………………..lack of sex.

Ken was cute, enjoyed photography and had an amazing house in Malibu that overlooked the ocean. Ken would take me to some really nice restaurants in Los Angeles and spend tons of money on meals. Ken also would devour me in the bedroom. Can I just tell you after not being desired in the bedroom for a long time, MANNNNNNNNNNNNN did it feel great. I mean the man liked to eat, if you know what I am saying *wink.

So all of this, what would could be the problem?

Ken was the damn problem. Ken was a privileged white men who was born with a silver spoon that like black culture and therefore felt he had the right to speak about …………………………………………………………… culture. I would give the guys some credit if he did any work within the black community, but homie was too scared to even park is car near a Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles. I spent most of our dates drunk by the time dinner came because I couldn’t stand to hear someone speak about issues they have never lived or met someone who lived but read somewhere. It was draining. I couldn’t go more into detail on what our conversations were like, but it would have to be a whole new blog titled; How Not To Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Moscow Mule in Malibu; Boyz in Malibu That Listen to Music from the Hood; What your Fox News Facts has to do with it. <- if you do not get any of these references, you need to get a black friend.

This courtship only lasted 3 months. On our last encounter, I may have stopped him in the middle of talking and said, “I can’t continue”, Grabbed my wine and walked outside to call a uber. ( FYI I was at a restaurant and wine was not on the to go list)

I actually feel bad I even compared him to Malibu Most Wanted. At least he was culturally sensitive.


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Our Exit Interview


I feel that people are put into your life for a reason. The heavens put us at the same place at the same time when things are questionable in our lives. I was there to help you live and you were there to help me love. I will never question the heavens but I will just thank them. Without their guidance, I think we would both be in different situations.
I heard a song today that reminded me of you, so here is our exit interview………..


I Hope You Dance
Lee Ann Womack

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance….I hope you dance.
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin’ might mean takin’ chances but they’re worth takin’,
Lovin’ might be a mistake but it’s worth makin’,
Don’t let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin’ out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance….I hope you dance.
I hope you dance….I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
Dance….I hope you dance.

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Bonjou Pierre


It was bound to happen. When you meet someone who looks NOTHING like their internet persona.


First of all, let me just say, looks are not everything to me. However, if you post a picture of yourself looking like Richard Gere from Pretty Women then show up looking like Mr. Bean then we have a major problem! Pierre is name (because he was french).

His online personality was very attractive. Older gentleman with a little salt and pepper in his hair, very active and HELLO french. He had all the right internet moves. I would copy and paste his smooth pick up lines but I had to block is ass from OK Cupid. After several failed attempts to meet, I finally gave in and we made a date for an early dinner.

Now, Pierre asked me to pick a restaurant in an area he was familiar with. The area he seemed to be familiar with is West Hollywood, Now if you are reading this and are not from California, West Hollywood, or as the cool kids call it Weho, is the gay area of town. I mean this area has the gay flag flying everywhere. There is no way you can not miss that this area is very gay friendly. I choose a restaurant in West Hollywood called Bossa Nova. It is directly across from a very fab and popular gay club called The Abby.

I arrived on time which is rare for me and grabbed a seat and a something alcoholic to drink. I needed something to calm my nerves. Meeting people to see if you are a match to mate or date is a very stressful thing for me, so I need all the alcohol I can get. As I was sitting on the patio, I see this very handsome man park his car. I got very excited because he was older and kinda looked like Pierre from the pictures. I then proceed to see another very handsome man greet him with a kiss so I know that wasn’t Pierre.

15 min later Pierre finally shows up…………………

This man DID NOT look anything like his pictures. His pictures were obviously taken 15 years ago. As I greeted him, I bit my cheek and told myself, “I am going to need a lot more drinks for this one.” When he sat across from me, be began to complain about the parking and other things. Honestly, I stopped listening because all I could stare at was his teeth. “Are they rotting?'” is what I was thinking as he was talking. After her stopped complaining about parking we ordered and started to play the get to know you game.

The whole time he was talking this smell kept coming from somewhere. I SWEAR it was from his mouth. His teeth were rotting and the smell was ruining my appetite. I think at this point I was on drink number 3. I just HAD to get out of there fast. He began to continue complaining. This time it was about their being a club across the street. He seemed to loathe the concept of gay people, “Oh no, I would never be caught dead in there!” He would say. DUDE you picked the area you wanted to eat in. You apparently used to live in this area, did you not notice it was gay friendly. I couldn’t take anymore of the gay bashing. Each person is entitled to their opinion, but my brother/best friend is gay and I ain’t haven that.

When the tab came out, I usually try to offer to pay at least half of the bill. This time I sat back and ordered a shot to be added to the check and didn’t even reach for my wallet. Mr. Homophobic, you will be paying for this whole dinner and all of my drinks.

He offered to walk me to my car and I insisted no, yet he still did. When we got to my car, this fool had the nerve to try to lean in for a kiss. That rotten teeth smell hit me hard. I leaned back and told him no, I am not that kind of girl. (Well not for Mr. Gingivitis). When I got home I immediately blocked him from OK Cupid. I then sent him a text saying his views on gays bother me and I can no longer speak to him. I then blocked him from my cell phone.

Au revoir Pierre.

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Fender Bender: 2nd online date




That is what the name should have been.

First lets point out the obvious for this post.

He DID NOT look like his pictures. He wasn’t horrible looking, but if he feels he has to use a picture of WHEN he had hair 5 years ago then that’s a big hell to the no.

I will say that I was about 2 hours late to this date because of the time change and because I was completely hung over.
It was good that I was 2 hours because that is how long it took him to get a table at the brunch spot. So technically I arrived just on time.

I will admit that I may have thrown this play because I was not attracted to him, so the first thing I ask for was a mimosa!

He wore a trucker hat, a red hot chilli peppers shirt and a necklace with a big ass guitar on it. I then realized his profile had fender in it so I automatically knew where this conversation was going. And I was right. The guy spoke to me as if he was on some sort of audition. Running is resume of “talent” he worked with.
Then he grabbed his phone like it rang or something, and said, “oh that’s the guitar player from – – – , I will get back with him.”

The only good thing that I can say was pleasant was the fact that he teaches kids music and the eggs benedict.

As we parted, this fool handed me his business card which was a picture of him holding a bass guitar and a shitty grin.

Ummmm NEXT!…………



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I’m pretty, right?

Currently Listening To : No Doubt – Ex Girlfriend

I have always been one of the boys, so I guess that’s where my nonchalant mentality to dating has come from or daddy issues, but we can get into another time. After I lost my virginity at 18, I spent most of my time having casual sex with no emotional attachment which is very easy for me. A couple of times I felt that I got caught up with feelings and shit, but as soon as that happens the guy just disappear or become a flake. So after enough time I have just put dating on the back of my head because I don’t want to get hurt.
As for being asked on dates, yeah that don’t happen. Seriously, I do not get asked out! If I do, it’s most likely by someone in their 70s who has a Diana Ross fetish or someone who is 17 who thinks I am in High School. IF I do get a digit exchange its most likely because I initiated first contact. So here is my question and the title of the blog. I’m pretty, Right?!
I have come across couples who completely don’t need to be with each other. Either one of them is unfortunate looking, or guys prefer that drama filled girl who cries at the Lion King! (that shit was pretty sad when the dad dies and stuff)
Guys seem to go for women who look completely fake from toes to nose or act completely fake. An unstable mess who is just filled with drama, a clinging heffa who needs you to contact them everyday or women who hates porn and thinks you drink too much.
Why pass on a down to earth chick who will not rob your wallet, go to strip club with you and can cuss like a sailor. I think these are all attractive qualities.
Anyhow, I have joined online dating to see what come out of that. So here is my journey and stories. Hope you enjoy and don’t get offended. Well if you do get offended then fuck off mate!

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