Tag Archives: self

MaliBoooooooooooo Ken

Yup your read that right.

I should have known that I had a Malibu’s Most Wanted on my hands when he started to recite UGK lyrics on our first text chat. But I just chucked it up to a person with a diverse playlist that thinks a great way to engage a black girl is to recite rap lyrics :/

I met Ken on Tinder, from what I heard is now hook up at. But less be real, I was looking for just a hook up because……………………………..lack of sex.

Ken was cute, enjoyed photography and had an amazing house in Malibu that overlooked the ocean. Ken would take me to some really nice restaurants in Los Angeles and spend tons of money on meals. Ken also would devour me in the bedroom. Can I just tell you after not being desired in the bedroom for a long time, MANNNNNNNNNNNNN did it feel great. I mean the man liked to eat, if you know what I am saying *wink.

So all of this, what would could be the problem?

Ken was the damn problem. Ken was a privileged white men who was born with a silver spoon that like black culture and therefore felt he had the right to speak about ……………………………………………………………..black culture. I would give the guys some credit if he did any work within the black community, but homie was too scared to even park is car near a Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles. I spent most of our dates drunk by the time dinner came because I couldn’t stand to hear someone speak about issues they have never lived or met someone who lived but read somewhere. It was draining. I couldn’t go more into detail on what our conversations were like, but it would have to be a whole new blog titled; How Not To Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Moscow Mule in Malibu; Boyz in Malibu That Listen to Music from the Hood; What your Fox News Facts has to do with it. <- if you do not get any of these references, you need to get a black friend.

This courtship only lasted 3 months. On our last encounter, I may have stopped him in the middle of talking and said, “I can’t continue”, Grabbed my wine and walked outside to call a uber. ( FYI I was at a restaurant and wine was not on the to go list)

I actually feel bad I even compared him to Malibu Most Wanted. At least he was culturally sensitive.

 

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Anxiety, it’s me and you bitch!

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Hi my name is Krystal and I suffer from anxiety and panic disorder.  Doesn’t that roll off the tongue nicely.  Many people wouldn’t know this but I have suffered from this exciting disorder for over 15 years. Yes, some days I may be smiling and laughing but I am actually dying inside trying my hardest to hold it To Fucking-Gether <- totally not a word 

What does my everyday look like, well:
7:30 am – anxious                                                                                                                                   8:00 am – anxious                                                                                                                           10:00 am – anxious                                                                                                                                 12:00 pm – anxious                                                                                                                                 1:00 pm – napping                                                                                                                            3:00 pm – anxious                                                                                                                               5:30 pm – anxious                                                                                                                                 7:00 pm – proud that I made it through the day without a panic attack                                            11:00 pm – bed time, anxious for the next day

Why have you not known this about me before, because I was heavily medicated for about 10 years. My anxiety and panic disorder got so bad that it crippled my every day life, ruined relationships and ruined jobs. It was just plan ruining my life. So I gave into that magic pill that blocks everything. I say block, because you are not actually dealing with anxiety itself or panic itself, you are just trying to shut it the fuck up so you can live your life.

Today I am proud to say, I AM NOT anxiety free or panic free. Ha!

Since being only semi medicated I thank anxiety because I feel like I am alive. While I was on medication I didn’t feel anything. I couldn’t cry and at times I couldn’t even cum.  My feelings were completely muted. That is no way to live.

I am writing about this because so many people I know suffer the same as I do. I wish when these feelings first started to happen, I knew someone who was dealing with or has dealt with what I was going through. Instead I felt alone and defective.

I am also writing about it because I have spent half my life running away from it and being scared of it. Now I am facing this bitch head on. I am embracing it and saying, it is OK for me to feel this way.  ( also therapy helped too)
End of story is, don’t become anxiety’s bitch.  Grab a handful of baby powder and be prepared to slap that bitch back.

 

Disclaimers: – I am in no way your therapist or a Dr. so go find one.                                                                   I also do not condone bitch slapping unless her name is anxiety.                                              But if anxiety has a social and birth certificate, do not slap her! 

 

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