Tag Archives: Sex

MaliBoooooooooooo Ken

Yup your read that right.

I should have known that I had a Malibu’s Most Wanted on my hands when he started to recite UGK lyrics on our first text chat. But I just chucked it up to a person with a diverse playlist that thinks a great way to engage a black girl is to recite rap lyrics :/

I met Ken on Tinder, from what I heard is now hook up at. But less be real, I was looking for just a hook up because……………………………..lack of sex.

Ken was cute, enjoyed photography and had an amazing house in Malibu that overlooked the ocean. Ken would take me to some really nice restaurants in Los Angeles and spend tons of money on meals. Ken also would devour me in the bedroom. Can I just tell you after not being desired in the bedroom for a long time, MANNNNNNNNNNNNN did it feel great. I mean the man liked to eat, if you know what I am saying *wink.

So all of this, what would could be the problem?

Ken was the damn problem. Ken was a privileged white men who was born with a silver spoon that like black culture and therefore felt he had the right to speak about ……………………………………………………………..black culture. I would give the guys some credit if he did any work within the black community, but homie was too scared to even park is car near a Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles. I spent most of our dates drunk by the time dinner came because I couldn’t stand to hear someone speak about issues they have never lived or met someone who lived but read somewhere. It was draining. I couldn’t go more into detail on what our conversations were like, but it would have to be a whole new blog titled; How Not To Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Moscow Mule in Malibu; Boyz in Malibu That Listen to Music from the Hood; What your Fox News Facts has to do with it. <- if you do not get any of these references, you need to get a black friend.

This courtship only lasted 3 months. On our last encounter, I may have stopped him in the middle of talking and said, “I can’t continue”, Grabbed my wine and walked outside to call a uber. ( FYI I was at a restaurant and wine was not on the to go list)

I actually feel bad I even compared him to Malibu Most Wanted. At least he was culturally sensitive.

 

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Our Exit Interview

Exit-Interview1

I feel that people are put into your life for a reason. The heavens put us at the same place at the same time when things are questionable in our lives. I was there to help you live and you were there to help me love. I will never question the heavens but I will just thank them. Without their guidance, I think we would both be in different situations.
I heard a song today that reminded me of you, so here is our exit interview………..

 

I Hope You Dance
Lee Ann Womack

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance….I hope you dance.
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin’ might mean takin’ chances but they’re worth takin’,
Lovin’ might be a mistake but it’s worth makin’,
Don’t let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin’ out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance….I hope you dance.
I hope you dance….I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
Dance….I hope you dance.

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Sleep to Dream

dicaprio-enter-dreams

Currently Listening To : Color Me Badd – I Wanna Sex You Up

So I have these crazy super realistic dreams. I say am going to try to write them down, but why not blog about it.

Dream:
So I am in a club and pick up this guy and take him back to my place. Instead of getting down and dirty right away, we watch Leonardo DiCaprio movies. I then proceed to turn to him and ask him what’s his favorite DiCaprio movie. All of a sudden the guy turns in to Leonardo DiCaprio. So I proceed to give him a blow job. (How can you pass up an opportunity at Gilbert’s Grapes) But instead of having one dick, there is two!!! TWO PENISES chunking the deuce towards my mouth.

What the hell kind of dream was that. So here is what I think the dream meant.

1. I felt bad about him not getting an Oscar so he got a blow job.
2. I had a hotdog craving
3. I’m pregnant (not really but don’t all dream books say your pregnant)
4. I just really need to get laid

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